Elements or Lower

It’s anniversary season for Andrew.

Ten Years.

In July 1997, I set up Article Seven. My original intent was to provide graphic and web design to students organisations, with a greater emphasis on the former. But I quickly discovered that this wasn’t really a viable market niche, and that I was far better at getting things to work properly on the web than I was in print.

Although I was fortunate enough to be able to keep everything afloat, it took two years for the company to really find its feet, when I was brought on board to redesign the web sites of both Woking Borough Council and FISITA. Those relationships have lasted to this day, and form the vast bulk of the work I do. I barely feel like a freelancer: it’s like being a staff member at each place. I’m invited to Christmas meals, mentioned in Annual Reports, discussed in the staff magazine.

I moved to Woking in mid-1999, and noticed that the Council’s site contained a page of links to local companies, so I emailed them asking to be included, and offering to reciprocate by providing a consistent set of button images, since the navigation buttons on their site at the time had been clearly built from a variety of sources over time. It was my very great fortune that the Council were just about to start a tender process for the redevelopment of their site, to which I was invited to submit a proposal. At the time, I was able to promise a lot for very little money, and by spring 2000, the new site was launched.

Since that time, the site’s been redesigned a couple of times, and the Council have sponsored the development of the Content Management System that now powers their main site, community site, intranet and kiosk sites — together with SurreyWaste, The NPC, Monks and, of course, FISITA and FISITA 2008.

The initial creation of the CMS has consequently been the professional highlight of the past 10 years, although having my work nominated for an award, and being mentioned in an O’Reilly book (page 114 — what a thrill!) were inarguably bigger ego inflators.

Five Years.

And in July 2002, we moved from Woking to Greenwich. Article Seven, which had been run from the world’s best shed, grew up and found a proper studio, behind and under which we live.

I love it here, always have, and I can’t imagine wanting to move again for some considerable time yet. About a month ago, Tesco’s opened down the road, Marks and Spencers moved into the garage a couple of hundred yards away, and The O₂ opened its doors. I honestly don’t know which of these pleased me more.

Just beyond the Maritime Museum, there’s a shop selling nautical paraphernalia that proclaims itself as “the first shop in the world,” being a few seconds west of the meridian. I’m about four seconds east of the meridian, and thus by the same logic, the last web development bureau in the world. I rather like that.

Two Years.

30 July 2005, my wedding day. A happier whirlwind of a day I couldn’t have asked for, followed immediately by the most carefree, indulgent and fun three weeks of my life. I really can’t believe it’s been so long already.

Shelley and I are as close now as we were then — closer, in fact, due in no small measure to working together on our honeymoon gift list service and the birth of our fabulous daughter, Zoë.

Zoë’s ten months old now, and seems to believe that Daddy is Mister Potato-Head, with removable nose and ears.

Life is good.

So Zoë is now a whole quarter of a year old, and my hermitage must end sometime. Some observations, by way of rehabilitation:

1. Zoë is so preternaturally disinclined to cry when out in public that people seem to believe we must be adding valium to her milk.

2. To eat and poo simultaneously is the sole prerogative of babies and Elvis.

3. The missus has finally given in to the cult of Livejournal.

4. Steriliser manufacturers seem to believe it’s their mission to make their products the loudest thing in one’s house. Wake up everyone! The bottles are ready! The bottles are ready!

5. The bottles are ready!

6. In recent days, Zoë has put herself into a bedtime routine, begun to grip objects and learned to laugh. She rocks.

My beautiful daughter, Zoë Charlotte Green, was born today, her due date, at 6:32AM, weighing 7lbs 9oz and measuring a respectable 54cm.

Mother and baby are doing brilliantly, and I have an obligatory scotch and cigar awaiting me.

1. Whilst Kate Bosworth is a fine actress, Rachel McAdams would have made a considerably better Lois Lane.

2. The Dawnseeker, the debut album from Sleepthief, is practically a checklist of my recent musical tastes. Throw a real orchestra in there and watch me dribble.

3. Charlie Brooker is entirely correct in everything he says about Doctor Who, and is furthermore generously capable of making me weep with laughter in a variety of media.

Pretty much since the day I got my first Internet connection at home, back in 1996, I’ve been a regular reader of David Farley’s Doctor Fun, and even obtained permission to include the panel in the NPC Newsletter. Today, I learn that having achieved his target of 520 weeks of daily cartoons, the good doctor has finally hung up his stethoscope. Goodbye, and thank-you.

And thus do I briefly celebrate what may be a Juncture of Great Import in the history of broadcast television: the celestial alignment of such glorious entertainment that angelic choirs doth erupt and spew from the Sky. Alas, it cannot last.

1. Doctor Who

   Gather round, my children, for this is the Boe Selector.

2. Lost

   Though some may turn their heads away, I am not of their number. Give me flashbacks or give me death.

3. Battlestar Galactica

   Kneel, good people, and worship at the altar of Baltar.

4. 24

   As the scriptures tell us, “Guns don’t kill people: Jack Bauer kills people.”

5. American Idol

   There are annals of secret shame in which may be found much from the Opus Nigellum.

6. The Apprentice

   And thus it comes to pass that the Badger may inherit the Earth.

7. My Name is Earl

   I, too, have wasted electricity, and saw that it was good.

It seems I invented nothing, save perhaps a transliteration from k to c.

Bizarrely, Rubik evidently went in another direction.

1. If one were to put frozen prawns in a popcorn maker, one would obtain prawn crackers.

2. By placing one’s textbooks in a blender and drinking the result, one could absorb the information contained therein through a process of homeopathic revision.

3. Pimms and Vimto are the same product and should be considered entirely interchangable at middle-class barbecues.

4. West Ham is merely an abbreviation of West Hampstead.

5. That it might be possible to hurl an A-level maths textbook in such a way that each page would individually impact the face of the teacher, like a flickbook animation.

6. Sidcup is a suburb of New Malden.